Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
