Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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