Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
