Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
