You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
All I want is dick and wine.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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