I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
