$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize