I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
