Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
