I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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