I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
