so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
