Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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