He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
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