Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
