He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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