What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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