can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
