Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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