i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
