they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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