it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
