Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
