is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
