in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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