i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
