The maid of honor just puked.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
