Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
