If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
