I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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