Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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