Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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