last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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