i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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