Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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