she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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