we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
