two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
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After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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