Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
