I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
