Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
