dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
