ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
