why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
