There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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