dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
