the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
that may or may not have been my penis.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
