I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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