Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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