So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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