You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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