i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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