we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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