The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize