Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
