where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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