my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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