its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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