I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
