i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
