I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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